10/10/08

We are currently studying the life of Moses in my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) class.  We are at the part where God gives Moses a job to do.  "Go to Egypt and free the Israelites."  Moses made a few excuses, but then he obeyed.

What job has God asked me to do?  Am I doing it?  There are several things, but the one thing that I am not doing that I know He's told me to do is write.  I've written some, but I am not consistent and dilligent in writing.  Should I work on getting a book contract?  Then I'll have deadlines (I work better with those) and I'll have some  money (maybe?).  I really don't know how these things work.  Just rambling here, sorry.

Here is my top ten list of things I'm thankful for today:

1. That God loves me and cared enough to save me.
2. My husband, Wayne.
3. Amara and Christina and that I get to babysit and spend time with them.
4. My son, Mike.
5. Friday!
6. Balloon Fiesta.
7. I get to make beads today!
8. My health
9. Quiet Mornings
10. Fall

11/10/07

As I sat polishing silver jewelry, my bottom sore from sitting on the hard stool, I wondered again what God really wanted me to do.  I’ve been asking Him this for years.  I want to do what He wants me to, but what is that?  How do you really know the will of God and if you are in it.  Of course there are the 10 commandments and you can keep those.  But what about the day to day stuff?

Since being laid off from my corporate job of 13 years, I’ve told myself “this is a blessing, now you can be an artist and you have time for your family and your new granddaughter and time for volunteering and seeking God.”  But, am I being selfish, just doing what I want to do?  These have been my doubts.  Why is it so hard to grasp that my Father in heaven wants to give me good gifts, that this is a blessing?  Is it not a good thing that I am doing by giving up a corporate salary to invest in my family’s well being?  Will  not God provide for all my physical needs?  My husband is supportive in all things, so why should I doubt?

I thought of the silver I was polishing.  You know how silver tarnishes after time and being exposed to the open air.  And I found some answers to what God’s will is and what He is doing in me at this time.

Why was the silver tarnished?  I had been lazy this summer and had decided not to put all of my pieces back into their little plastic baggies to protect them.  I thought that they wouldn’t tarnish that much before my next art fair.  So, I neglected my responsibility.  This is a direct parallel to what has happened in my spiritual life.  Over time I’ve neglected my relationship with Jesus.  I’ve not spent time with Him, seeking His wisdom and guidance.  I still go to church and I serve in my church.  But my quiet time seeking Him, praying and reading His word were no longer a joy to me.  He knows my needs, why should I constantly bother Him with my needs and wants?  I know His word, why should I need to read what I’ve already read?

So, my faith gradually became tarnished.  It no longer shone.  It had a dull tinge and in many places was black.  This deterioration has manifested itself in some of my dearest relationships.  Because I thought I was “right” with God, I pridefully threw around my advice and judgments in a careless manner.  The word of God says “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.  For each one will bear his own load.” Galatians 6:3-5  And, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2

Before giving advice and placing judgement, we should first examine our own work.  “Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.  And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  Hypocrite!  First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”  Matthew 7:1-5

Just like I had become lazy in my putting my silver jewelry away, I had become lazy in my walk with Christ.  Instead of considering my own plank, I stared at the speck in my brother’s eye.  Sometimes it is easier to pay much attention to another’s life than to really examine and do the hard work of examining my own life.  And so, my relationship with Christ and my faith became tarnished.

I am happy to say that I have begun that hard work of looking at my own plank.  It is like God has his silver polishing cloth and he is polishing away the smudges and the blackness that has corrupted my faith.  It has been painful, the polishing cloth is not a silky, soft comfort.  It is a coarse, abrasive cloth; meant to rub away the blackness.  However, I do find comfort that He is taking the time to polish me, that He will not leave me in my blackened state.

I hope that you might find some comfort and joy in the polishing cloth of the Lord today.